What is Mother's Day?

Mother's Day...a day to celebrate mothers. For many it is a time to give thanks for their mothers, remember their mothers and honor their mothers. Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers.

Today's blog is not about that though. I want to reach out to those who may have wanted to be mothers and for whatever reason, are not. To those of you, Mother's Day may not be easy. I personally had the dream; my biggest dream in life, to be a mother (biologically speaking). I'm fifty years old now and other life altering things happened many years ago that limited my chances of that opportunity. I felt and still feel that my dream was snatched away from me. I'm no longer in a dark place about it but it's not something that you forget; you sort of cope and deal with it. Someone asked me a few years ago, " You're not over that yet?". I was insulted and hurt. That was mean and insensitive. For me, not having a child of my own is something to grieve. It takes time. My clock, so to speak, stopped ticking before I turned 40 however, there was still a chance and I still had hope. Hope didn't start to diminish until I was, maybe 46 which meant I still needed to grieve. Just like any loss, you don't "get over it". You get through it.

So, to all of my fellow dreamers; dreamers of being a biological mother and not having that opportunity, I say to you, allow yourself to grieve. When people give their opinions, remember that it is your story, your loss and your process. Recognize and validate your feelings. When others tell you, you can adopt or seek other alternatives, tell them thank you but I need to process this my way. While others mean well, they're not walking in your experience. They're not feeling your pain.

Consider speaking with other women who may have the same or a similar experience. It can be a pretty lonely experience and you may just need someone to talk to. Support in areas of loss can mean all the difference. I honestly wish that I sought the support years ago. I went through the process alone. No one around me could truly understand what I was going through; my unique experience.

Today I am beyond grateful to be a godmother. But, I know, my ladies, it's not the same. I have had to do some hard work. Honestly, there is nothing to fill that void but I'm surrounded by love which makes a world of difference. People saw the mother in me and chose me to be a godmother and that is one of the greatest gifts I could ever ask for. So, ladies, I want you to feel it, be in it, recognize it as a loss, grieve it... take your time and acknowledge what you've been through. Don't let others diminish your experience. Don't let others tell you that they understand when they really don't. Speak your truth, do the work to heal and be grateful for the love that you are surrounded with.

No two experiences are the same. No two people grieve the same way. Walk in your story. Embrace your story and its uniqueness. What you are feeling is valid. The pain of losing someone that you never knew is real.

Wrap yourselves up in love. Write the baby that you never met but knew in your gut a letter and keep it in a locked space just for you. You don't have to explain to anyone. You don't owe anyone anything. When you don't want to go to that baby shower or 1 year old birthday party, it's okay. Do what you need to do for yourself to heal.

Grieve on my sisters. It's okay not to be okay on Mother's Day.